She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
