So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
