This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
