I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
