I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
