he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
