someone threw a dead crab at me
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
