My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Shame - the story of my life.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
