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• (602): View more from Arizona

  i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop

  (213): View more from California

  so that means christmas in space?

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.

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• (845): View more from New York

  Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Just got my second shot

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days

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• (310): View more from California

  Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!

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