I think my fart just growled at me.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
