You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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