I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
