I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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