Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
