He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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