are you still at the devil's house?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
