My sheets look like a crime scene.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
