whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
