Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
