Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
