Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
