If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i think i just lost a toe
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
