I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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