it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
