i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
