i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My feet surprised me
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
