you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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