he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
