I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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