A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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