Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
