why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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