Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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