So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
