She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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