Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
