I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
