there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
