Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
did i walk over a car last night?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He better not be in your backpack
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
