Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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