totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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