I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
