Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
