Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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