This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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