I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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