Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
