My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
pop tarts are not kleenex
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
