just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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