Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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